Getting married, is said to create a lot of changes specially for a woman. If the woman doesnt change, the society/family makes sure she changes according to how they picturise her to be. What about the man, he isnt supposed to change, but if he changes, even for better, it is a crime.
Getting married involves 2 people of different backgrounds, different ideals, different cultures sometimes, deciding to live a life together forever and it is not as easy as it seems to be. Besides the gives and takes between the 2 of them, satisfying the families play a major role. I agree you have satisfy your respective families, but to what extent? Like I said, the challenge is mainly for the girl. She has been with her family all this while, one fine day she gets married and from then on, she is expected to put that family back on the priority list, and the guy's family takes precedence. How big a change is that? Though this has been practiced in the Hindu tradition for ages and all women have been going through the same crap over and over again, they still dont want to change this stupidity. They probably think its give back time or whatever.
So, what you have been in the past is immaterial. "You are in this family now, so change yourselves overnight". But why doesnt anyone respect what the girl has planned for herself. She is an adult, she has her own dreams of how she thinks she wants to take her marriage, why not respect that? All I wanna tell is that not all people are the same. Just respect people for what they are, and give them their space. I dont expect anyone to change for me, neither do I want someone to demand that I change. This is what is me, and I dont wanna give up my individuality just because someone wants me to live in a particular way.
And guys, what do they have to do in all that this girl is going through? Nothing. Why? Because he cant relate himself with all that the girl is going through, so he can neither help her nor change anything, cos remember, I mentioned earlier, guys creating any damn change after getting married is a crime.
To all the gals out there, try not to succumb to all these changes, and stand for what you are, while I try doing it myself too :)
Getting married involves 2 people of different backgrounds, different ideals, different cultures sometimes, deciding to live a life together forever and it is not as easy as it seems to be. Besides the gives and takes between the 2 of them, satisfying the families play a major role. I agree you have satisfy your respective families, but to what extent? Like I said, the challenge is mainly for the girl. She has been with her family all this while, one fine day she gets married and from then on, she is expected to put that family back on the priority list, and the guy's family takes precedence. How big a change is that? Though this has been practiced in the Hindu tradition for ages and all women have been going through the same crap over and over again, they still dont want to change this stupidity. They probably think its give back time or whatever.
So, what you have been in the past is immaterial. "You are in this family now, so change yourselves overnight". But why doesnt anyone respect what the girl has planned for herself. She is an adult, she has her own dreams of how she thinks she wants to take her marriage, why not respect that? All I wanna tell is that not all people are the same. Just respect people for what they are, and give them their space. I dont expect anyone to change for me, neither do I want someone to demand that I change. This is what is me, and I dont wanna give up my individuality just because someone wants me to live in a particular way.
And guys, what do they have to do in all that this girl is going through? Nothing. Why? Because he cant relate himself with all that the girl is going through, so he can neither help her nor change anything, cos remember, I mentioned earlier, guys creating any damn change after getting married is a crime.
To all the gals out there, try not to succumb to all these changes, and stand for what you are, while I try doing it myself too :)
In connection to marriage and relationships, here is a recent article from The Hindu. Interestingly true.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.hindu.com/mag/2011/03/06/stories/2011030650110300.htm
Good one...Let all gals read this!! Keep up ur good work laks!!
ReplyDeleteNice article Akila, very true. But no amount of reading or educating will change the way the families treat us, instead is it only gonna provoke them :)
ReplyDeleteThanx Geetha, keep reading...
ReplyDeleteLady, you seem to frustrated...already!!! long way to go....
ReplyDeleteI believe men change when they have a daughter...they tend to see the world as a perspective of her... ;)
BTW, men have their own problems with marraige...so take it easy...
:-)
ReplyDeleteFor a start everyone hs problems with marriage. both men and women has.. As its a change of lifestyle for both of them.
ReplyDeleteShows a lot of frustration; so Chill
Naru - :)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteGood that I read this before getting married ! "Stand for what you are " Simply great !
ReplyDeleteGive a pat for self on behalf...well said..
ReplyDeleteWat an emotional outburst Lakshmi !
ReplyDeleteSeems like change and compromises have to happen on both sides for a smoother life. For a Woman, changes happen because of her husband/husband family/children. Change is indomitable and is good as long as the Woman does not lose her identity, self respect and the independence that she needs for herself.
....and good article Aks !