India vs US

No, I'm not talking about a cricket match(When did America gather the guts to play cricket against India!!!)...

I am just missing home, specially more on the eve of an Indo-Pak World Cup semifinal, when people out there are having so much fun with all the hype on tv, wierd/funny SMSes and every person talking of nothing else but cricket.

Not that US is a bad place to live in, it is, in fact a very good place to be in, but just that I feel more secure at home. Reason? Why should I even have a reason to feel secure whilst at home!

Infact people here are very helpful and warm, but still my heart wishes that I were home, with my family and friends. Those after-office conversations at home, late night phone calls, visiting relatives, hanging out with friends, attending weddings, most importantly, being there when they really need you!

Is the weather here bad? Not at all, very pleasant in fact, but I miss those sunny days and the craving for ice-creams, tender coconut water, sodas, juices, etc!

Is life very hectic here? No way, I have all the time on earth, but I liked it better when I thought I didn't have enough time for myself, and I didn't have to research on the purpose of life either :)

Am I finding it tough to manage the house? Not a chance. Its hardly dirty, so less cleaning, less time to cook, drying clothes and dishwashing is automated as well, yet, I miss laying traps to catch the mouse, getting rid of ants, hunting cockroaches and lizards.

Don't I get good food here? Very good food, infact. Mexican, Itallian, Thai and what not? But I still haven't spotted a place where I can get real good veg biryani, which I can get at every other road in Chennai. More than missing my family and friends, I miss eating at all the restaurants. For a fact, McD at India is tastier, catering more to our kinda tastes. There are also the pizzahuts, dominos, subways, starbucks, to name a few. What more is needed? And who would want to miss all the festival and wedding feasts?

Are there no lakes/beaches? Plently of them, but the visit is never complete without the "molaga bajji" .

All English movies release first in the US(lots of them release in India simultaneously), but even before I catch up with them here, my friends in India do.

Known fact is that all new technologies are available in the US markets first. I read reviews, talk to people who have used it, look up for deals and finally decide on buying a new product. When I announce my decision to my friends in India, I find that two of them are already using it and advise me if its worth buying it or not.

Gone are the days when my aunt used to live in Canada and we waited every summer, for her India visit, curious to know what "foreign goods" she's got for us. When I had to visit India last year, I called a few people to ask if they needed something from the States, and they laughed out saying there's nothing that the Indian markets don't have, that I can get from America.

I feel I'm living a life without purpose(Not that I achieved something great while in India, but ateast had the feeling :)

Mother India, I beseech that thou take me into thine arms soon!

.....And not forgetting to give all the wishes to Team India,

GO INDIA GO!!!

Bhaja Govindam

I vaguely remember the audio cassette we had at home when I was young - MS' Bhaja Govindam and Vishnu Sahasranamam(Bhaja Govindam was preceded by a short talk by Sri. Rajaji). Mom being a good singer herself, I was exposed to a lot of Carnatic music. I almost grew up with MS songs, some of them were lullabies, mom used to hum some of them and some others were on cassettes.

MS was the reason I liked Bhaja Govindam, eventually I tried learning what it meant, but every-time I did, one thought would lead into another and I would end up confused. This happened today as well.

Punarapi jananam punarapi maranam,
Punarapi janani jatare sayanam,
Iha samsaare bahu dusthare,
Krupayaa pare pahi murare.
"The cycle of births and deaths is endless. Oh Lord, kindly help me cross this unsurpassable ocean of the world."

Taking a look at this verse, it looked very simple to understand, but I am wrong. The Almighty is the only One who can help me out of all the confusions that I have regarding what life is and how to take it forward. Regardless of that, why do I sometimes think I can handle situations all by myself? Why do I even attempt doing something without asking Him to lead me? How do I forget to thank him for the countless things he has given and keep asking him for what he has not? When will I understand that He alone knows what is best for me and that I should trust Him completely?

A couple of days ago, I was told to do something, which I didnt know was right or not, and had to decide if I have to oblige. I spent half a night sleepless, not being able to decide what was right. A sudden thought, thinking "You will do what is best for me, so whatever happens tomorrow, is for my own good, and is dedicated to You". Apparently all my confusions vanished in no-time. The next day, what happened never affected me. I did oblige to what I was told, irrespective of which I was happy, as I knew it was He who wanted me to do it.

As I write this, I cant but think of a dear friend who lost her loved one today. I totally know its Your plan, but accepting something like this is being very difficult for us. I pray that You teach us what life is all about while You give her family all that it takes to stand the loss.

I just read an email about how the Japanese reacted during/after the earthquake which said "Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief." This only makes me go short of words.

Bhaja govindam bhaja govindam
Govindam bhaja moodamathe

Getting married - how big a change is that?

Getting married, is said to create a lot of changes specially for a woman. If the woman doesnt change, the society/family makes sure she changes according to how they picturise her to be. What about the man, he isnt supposed to change, but if he changes, even for better, it is a crime.

Getting married involves 2 people of different backgrounds, different ideals, different cultures sometimes, deciding to live a life together forever and it is not as easy as it seems to be. Besides the gives and takes between the 2 of them, satisfying the families play a major role. I agree you have satisfy your respective families, but to what extent?  Like I said, the challenge is mainly for the girl. She has been with her family all this while, one fine day she gets married and from then on, she is expected to put that family back on the priority list, and the guy's family takes precedence. How big a change is that? Though this has been practiced in the Hindu tradition for ages and all women have been going through the same crap over and over again, they still dont want to change this stupidity. They probably think its give back time or whatever.

So, what you have been in the past is immaterial. "You are in this family now, so change yourselves overnight". But why doesnt anyone respect what the girl has planned for herself. She is an adult, she has her own dreams of how she thinks she wants to take her marriage, why not respect that? All I wanna tell is that not all people are the same. Just respect people for what they are, and give them their space. I dont expect anyone to change for me, neither do I want someone to demand that I change. This is what is me, and I dont wanna give up my individuality just because someone wants me to live in a particular way.

And guys, what do they have to do in all that this girl is going through? Nothing. Why? Because he cant relate himself with all that the girl is going through, so he can neither help her nor change anything, cos remember, I mentioned earlier, guys creating any damn change after getting married is a crime.

To all the gals out there, try not to succumb to all these changes, and stand for what you are, while I try doing it myself too :)

Have I changed? - 2

Like I said in my previous post, going to college has been the best phase in life. I told to myself that I was going to be in contrast with how I was at school. During the first year, people generally are still in the hang-over of being at school, that too just out of studying very hard for the 12th grade exams, they continued the same. Not the case with me though. Never studied  during the semester, thinking I could catch up during study holidays. Never studied during study holidays, as I went home, enjoyed my time there, thinking I could catch up the day before the exam. I wasn't too serious the day before exams either. Since I hated to see the whole hostel studying, I used to flip the pages of the book for sometime and go to sleep early. Non-exam days I was invariably the last person to go to sleep at night, exam days, I was the first. The days when the results would be announced were nightmares. I would take an oath before I saw the results, that I would study well hence-forth, once I saw I passed, I would forget all about the oath.

If it was not for the room-mate of 4years I had, I would have been done for. She came from a Tamil-medium background, but the way she picked up was beyond my imagination. She used to be really regular at catching up with everyday lessons and completing assignments. The best part is the enormous patience that she had, to deal with me. She made me study even though I gave her a tough time. I almost never read the book, I managed to pass only listening her read. I owe my engineering degree certificate to her, big time :)

I was in the EEE dept, which was the most-strict dept then. Any mis-conduct took a toll on your internal marks. Since those 20 marks meant a lot to me for obvious reasons, I had to make sure I didnt upset my lecturers, but despite my efforts, I did get caught a lot of times, for not taking down notes in class, for bunking classes, for making fun of a lecturer 'cos she didnt give me enough marks for a test I wrote well and much more. The funniest/irritating thing about being a EEEian gal, is the lab costume. You have to wear a saree and a coat on top. To this date, I dont know the reason behind such a worst dress code for a lab class.

I hated to study for my internal assessment test, and wrote the answers in a sheet of paper and took it to the class, so I could copy. Once, for a Physics test, I was so lazy to copy during the test, that the previous night, I  prepared an answer sheet and just attached it with my test paper. The irony - I attached answers for questions that werent asked for and was even awarded marks for it. I used to hang-out a lot with CSC gals than with EEE gals, as they were more fun to be with for me. Our week-end lunches outside, the mess food(though not-so-tasty), the midnight-tea during exams, the late-night talks, the travel from Karaikudi to Chennai, the never-ending-useless-conversations on the stone benches, vada/bajji wala, the canteen pooris, Pillayaarpatti temple, CECRI, and lots more....

School to college, lotsa changes and I loved them. More than a major attitudinal change from one of a serious attitude to a casual attitude, it had a lot to do with independence and living life on my own terms. There was no looking-over-the-shoulder by parents and I did what "I" felt was right. I never took anything seriously, until it was time for campus interviews.

The next 5years after college saw me in the corporate world, but nothing much changed in me. It was just work-home-work most of the time, being money-independent was a good feel. 9years back there was a big change and some small changes here and there, but then were there changes after that?

Watch out! 

Have I changed?

A friend of mine read one of my posts and emailed me asking if it was my blog, meaning she says she couldnt believe, it was me. More than being amazed, I should say puzzled. She feels "I have changed".

Have I changed? If I have, is it for the better or worse?

Here goes an analysis...

As far as I know of me during my school days, I used to be a very serious kid. Was very punctual to school, never took leave, more studious than I could ever imagine myself to be, as against my bro who was the most laid-back person one could ever see. Despite my dad's constant pressure on both of us with the you-gotto-study-hard thing,  he didnt yield a bit. Though I so envied him, I still kept studying hard(What a loser I had been :).  I was given certificates during the annual day, and I remember once when my uncle and aunt came to cheer me. ...And once when my name was called on stage, my dad stood up and waved/whistled, which badly embarrassed me :).

I had this best friend of mine and spent most of the time in school with her, so much so that others at school, including our teachers believed that we were cousins(Seems silly now, but we used to enjoy all the on-the-spot-lies we blurted and the cover-ups that followed). The highlight was our stay-overs. Stay-overs were not for having fun back then, they were for studying and we really used to study hard. We took turns to stay-over at each others' place and I had a tough time convincing my dad to agree for stay-overs. I used to wait for lunch/dinner time at her place. Her mom is a great cook and you can dare to have any amount of study hours just to have a taste of her food. We had this prefect system in school and both of us were prefects like 4 times for our respective "houses" or "alayas". In fact I was the captain in 5th grade(which happened by chance, because the original captain mis-behaved). I still remember the day when we(all prefects) were admonished by the principal at her room and we(atleast I) started crying :). The major disadvantage of being a prefect was that for anything bad that the class did, you were held responsible. And with it came a lot of other work too,  the reason why I changed my school fearing my teachers would make me contest in the elections and I wouldnt be able concentrate in my studies. How silly I had been!  I had this neighbor of mine, whose mom used to force to study with me, as she thought her son would improve if he studied with me. But what did he do? Flirt with my friends in the name of studying. Did he improve in his academics? Not that I can think of!

Thus went my school-life, with me being very obedient(to my dad and at school) and sincere. One thing I was yearning to have then, was freedom. I didnt wanna be dictated all the time and wanted to live my life on my own terms, most importantly, didnt want to be kept-a-watch-on all the time. So I decided irrespective of the marks/colleges I got in Chennai, I was gonna go out of town to do my college. Fortunately my marks were decent enough to earn me seats in reasonably good colleges in Chennai as well as govt colleges, and I preferred the latter, for the sole reason of going out of Chennai.

Going to college was a giant leap for me. It was a big change and the most precious 4 years in my entire life. If I was asked to re-live any particular part of my life, it would surely be those days. Be it at home or outside I really evolved as a better individual. My mom/dad/bro, whose value I hardly knew when I used to stay at home, somehow suddenly became the most loved people and my love for them grew exponentially, the more I missed them. I never took them for granted anymore and waited to visit them. Does it mean college sucked, so I was waiting to visit home? 

No way....watch out for more on this....

Forgetting & Forgiving

The reason I'm writing on forgiveness, I got to remind myself to be practicing it big time.

Besides consciously trying to forget my past grudges, they sometimes show up when I meet or think of the person involved. And I particularly have to learn to forgive, to maintain the relationship. There are some relationships where irrespective the kind of people they are, we can't let go of them just because they messed up with us or keep messing up with us. Considering the fact that the relationship is important to us, it is up to us to change ourselves, so their actions dont affect us.

You may wonder, why do we have to maintain any relationship if so much is involved in it. You cant divorce your spouse just because he went against you sometimes. You cant throw your parents out just because they did something to you that you hated. You cant ditch your best friend for some stupid thing she did to you. Its ideal to put yourself in their shoes and think in their terms. They might also not like something in us.

It is unfair to think we are perfect in every angle and that others would have to accommodate with us.  Each one of us is different in our own ways, so instead of asking someone else to change, its good to look into us first. It works easier that way too.

Also retaliation can only make things worse. Instead if we are gonna forget and forgive, chances are that they realize whatever they're doing against us is not affecting us in anyway, and might even stop annoying us.

Most important, our inner peace increases if we let go of the hatred.

Easier said than done, let me see if I succeed in my try. 

Excuses Begone - 2

Do I still have what I read yesterday in mind and practice it or is it all long begone???

Why am I starting it this way, I think it is important to recall what you have been doing since you start reading such a book, as it is meant for practical application and not just for showing off to people that I read a book.

I have been trying to be conscious of what I say/do and think, but actually it has to be the other way round, you got to check what you think first and reflect that in your actions. For some reason I realized what I thought, only after I said/did it. What am I doing now? Giving an excuse for not having done something :). And having said this, I have already started looking into this. How? After having realized I should not have said what I said to someone, I made it a point to correct at the same moment without any hesitation.

I read the second part today and did complete it, glad I dont have to give you an excuse. Not sure if I have something to share with you on what I read today, as its all a reflection of the first part, as in the common excuses were talked of in the first part and this part talked of some principles that were related to the first part, and since I thought of all of all this yesterday, there was nothing very new, but I dont consider the second as not worth reading, as you really have to read it for certain things to strike you hard.

But I was very happy about something. A lot of people that even know a little about me, know for a fact the aversion I have for reading. Until yesterday I have been giving the most lame excuse one could ever think of. When I was still going to school, my parents kept insisting that I got to study well and top the class which I  tried doing and succeeded most of the times. As a result, my studying became a mechanical activity which I didnt like doing and consequently, most of what I studied used to be in my brain only until I wrote the exams.  But what did I think/tell people, that I have a aversion to any kind of reading as it is something that I was compelled to do, so am not going to be doing it anymore. Of-course which parent wouldn't wish that their kids should study well?

I have been persuaded to cultivate the reading habit several times, and have been giving the same excuse all this while and even after knowing how much knowledge/wisdom one can attain through reading. This book is being a revelation. I achieved my target(of reading one part a day) and felt a sense of satisfaction. I read this in the book that says, if you even think you wanna do/achieve something, unconsciously/subconsciously(not sure of the term) some part of you is working towards it, I realized this when I achieved my target today, which I never expected  to, that too when it comes to reading :).  I was just told that the same concept is explained in the Bhagavad Gita:

   Satvaanu roopaa sarvasya shraddhaa bhavathi bharatha

   Shraddha mayoyam purusho yo yacchraddhah sa eva sah        17:3

  "The faith of all men confirms to their mental constitution. Whatever the nature of the faith, he is verily that" 

Wow!

I have met a lot of targets when I used to work for a company, with the only satisfaction of getting paid, but the contentment that I have now is immeasurable.

I happened to incidentally take a look of the author's wiki page. Inspired yet again! He grew up in an orphanage during his adolescence besides his mom being alive. He still firmly said, that helped him to do what he's been doing now. Put me in his position, wud've for sure attributed all my failures to my mom. Another person I tend to think of now is Chinmayi Sripada(well-known as a playback singer in India). There's so much she's been doing at 26(I follow her blog, so find the link to it) and look at her background, her father left her when she was a child.

Just 2 more thoughts and will continue the rest tomorrow - ego and the power of the present. In-order for you to be aware and CHECK your thoughts, it is said that there should be no ego. According to Eckhart Tollle "Awareness and ego cant co-exist. Awareness leads to the highest self; Ego leads to your earthbound self".

I took a break for lunch after reading about the Power of the Present, which(the lunch-break) involved a 5min walk to the place I eat at. I came out and saw the bad weather. But despite the cold, rain and winds, something made me enjoy the 5min walk wholeheartedly.  I really felt the goodness in enjoying the present more than dreaming of going to an exotic location in the summer.

Not forgetting about what happened in Japan today. We pray that the souls of the dead rest in peace and God give the strength to all who have lost a dear one or property. Of-course  Japan for a fact is a non-excuse-giving-country that will build itself fast, and this goes out to the whole country wishing them to get better soon.

Excuses Begone - 1

So.... finally I decided that I'd blog!

Reasons:
1. I was really inspired reading this book, so thought would put it all somewhere, 'cos I tend to forget what I read lot of times.
2. Got to keep track of what I am doing and found this the best place, 'cos this will make me really do something useful, as you guys out there reading this would be a motivation.
3. And most importantly, in this fast paced life, most of us don't have the time to take a good book and read or pursue a hobby, so am trying to brief all that interests me, so it'd be useful to you and who knows might even inspire you to do something ;)

Excuses begone by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

I started reading this book today and looked like I could relate to every bit of it. I read one-third of it which was talking about the different excuses we tend to give most of the time

We are what we believe we are. Thoughts control everything in our body. When the thoughts are good, the cells in our body are energized which means a lot to our physical well-being. Positive thoughts
are said to fight even deadly diseases.

The most common excuse we give for what we are is our genetic inheritance. If there was something good about me, I would attribute it me , anything bad would go to my dad or mum. "I got this from my dad". Not fair! Thoughts are so powerful that they can even change the genes we have. Once the mind knows what it has to do and trains itself, nothing is impossible. Memetics is analogous to genetics. A meme is an idea or thought which mimics itself into other minds, in other terms influencing people. They are like viruses. Every individual is both a donor and receptor of memes whether good or bad. What we are today is not what we were when we were 3 years old. After all the good/bad memes we received from everyone we come across, we are what we are now. It is upto us to check our minds so as to receive only good memes.

A lot of all this happens at the sub-conscious level and we are unaware of what is happening in that part of our mind. The conscious mind responds to only 5% of the stimuli, the rest 95% the sub-conscious mind responds. It is imperative that we keep what goes into the sub-conscious in perfect check, as we are mostly what the sub-conscious is and hence it is rightly called the habitual mind.

There have been instances in my life when I really wanted to do something, but didn't coz I thought it was too difficult for me. Example - Involving myself in sports at school. And I should not use this as an excuse now, saying why should I attempt to do something that I have never attempted all this while. The same applies with risks. I was never good at public speaking for the very reason I never tried doing it. Why? I used to think I would be ridiculed by others and didnt wanna take the risk. Life is about choosing to do something rather than excusing ourselves out of it. It is our life and we'd better live it the way we want to(in a good way).

We dont do certain things as we presume them to be time consuming. A 60-yr old woman was talking to a counselor in NY and telling she would not take up a 5-yr course at the university as she would be too old then. He asked her how old she would be if she took the course. She would still be 65, but have done the course, which makes a lot of difference. Things look absurd and time consuming when we havent gone into it, once we are into it, every day is a learning. Tao Te Ching says " A journey of a 1000 miles begin with a single step".

Talking of family history, I still have a tendency to say I was denied of certain things as a child and that affected me a lot. But that is not true at all. We have the ability to control what we think and do, so I should have found my way out with the limited resources I was given. Given the circumstances that our parents had then, would have made them react the way they did. Probably we would understand it better when we have kids of our own, as unruly as us. Make peace with everything that transpired in the past and move on. Count each blessing. The more you get stuck in the past the more weaker and sick you become. Life is like going on a speed boat in the ocean. It leaves trails behind, but those dont impact the future of your journey. You have a vast ocean ahead and all that counts is what you do NOW. Be responsible for each of your actions without blaming the material world for any deficiencies in your life. Same is the case with family drama. Dont do something coz someone in your family wanted you to do it. Do it coz you wanna do it. Its your life and you'd better live it.

According to Mahatma Gandhi, strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from indomitable will. Believe in the universal power. When you edge God out, you invite ego or false self.

You are a divine piece of the the all knowing intelligence. Love itself, trust in this wisdom, let go and let God :)