High time to take control of your kid's education

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-02-11/delhi/31049447_1_government-school-teachers-association-chennai-school-class-viii

It’s disturbing when you read articles like the above too often these days, and more disturbing is the fact that no one wants to take the responsibility of trying to correct the situation. I remember, a couple of days after the 9^th grader murdering his teacher took place in Chennai, all the channels were busy airing discussions, debates, etc. on the topic. There was one such show in which a school principal, a students’ union leader and a parent were invited to voice their opinions. That’s one of the crappiest shows I’ve ever seen, in which, each person’s aim was to throw the ball onto someone else’s court. Nobody seemed to discuss how the three of them could work together and find possible solutions to address such problems (Of course, I didn’t have the patience to watch the show until the end).

http://www.alliswellhelpline.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=70:student-suicides-in-india-key-facts&catid=42:suicide-more-insights&Itemid=66

Not only murders, attacks and assaults, student suicides are also on the rise. The above article (though from a couple of years back) shows the statistical data on the increasing suicidal incidents among students.

Some of the reasons the stress in students can be attributed to:

1       The need to score good marks in ALL the subjects : How fair is that? A kid may be interested in Math more than he is in History, obviously he scores well in Math and manages to just pass in History. The teacher says “You are weak in History, better spend more time with your History.”  This is absurd. Anybody would want to spend more time on something that he likes and learn, research and improve on that. The system focusses on improving on weaknesses, rather than improving on strengths. Why is it not enough that I just pass in History, knowing only the basics, when I am not going to pursue it in the future? This brings the kids’ morale down, rather than boosting it.

2        Comparing marks with fellow students : I’ve heard parents and teachers say, “When he can do it, why can’t you?” or “Look at him!” and the like. But why should I be like someone else? Just let me be. Each kid is different in his own way, and comparing his performance with someone else’s, is like comparing apples with oranges. The right thing to do is compare his current performance with his previous performance and work out ways of improvement. The only comparison that can be made is with himself.

3       Need to pertain to the school’s syllabus/schedule : For instance, take the Math: History case. Since I am more interested in Math, I might want to learn it quicker. Being in sixth grade, I might have completed the entire Math that is required for that grade very early and would want to go to the next grade, but in History, I might be a little slower. The system doesn’t allow me to advance my Math by one grade and let me take my time with History. I have to wait for a year to pass on to the next level.

4       No time for other activities : The schools on an average function from 9am until 4pm. After school, you will only have time to work on what you did in school that day and prepare for the next day’s lessons. You might even be enrolled in some private lessons, because you are weak in some subject. I heard my cousin in Bangalore tell me that a lot of her son’s friends take up tuitions after school. Ask me what grade is her son in? – First grade. Tuitions for first grade? Ridiculous. Don’t we have the knowledge and time to teach a first grader? After all, we have also studied under the same system of education, and if we are not capable enough to teach a first grader, whats the whole point in toiling and finding your way through the education system? My cousin also says she is tensed as there are lots of portions to cover in first grade. Are we forgetting that we are talking about a five year old kid here? When he has a whole life ahead of him, why not let him learn and grow in his own pace? Aren’t we depriving a child of all that is supposed to experience at his age? When the focus is only on school-related stuff, where is there the time for family bonding, spirituality, reading other good books, nurturing the kid’s interests, etc?

5       No individual attention : In a class of 40 and odd kids, its impossible.  The so-called SMART KIDS become the teacher’s favorite and the other kids feel left out.

6       Independent thinking not encouraged : How often have we heard these? - “Just do as I say” or “I know what is good for you, you’d better listen”. With time, the child is tuned to just listening to what is being told to him, and he thinking for himself and being independent becomes difficult.

I’m sure we can all think of many more reasons. Its complicated to think about changing the whole system immediately. But we can surely think about taking the control of our kid’s life(in terms of how he should be molded) rather than focusing on the system as a whole. Little drops of water do make an ocean. 

Why don’t we let our kids grow up in their own pace rather than making them join the rat-race?

Revelations from last night's power cut

Its become more than normal to have power cuts in Chennai (Tamilnadu) these days. Initially there was about an hour's scheduled power cut, which has increased to two now. They attribute to this to the overall power shortage in the state and they are having to buy power from other states. Apart from the scheduled ones, there are these unexpected cuts which are probably attributed to increased load. With the surging heat this summer, the air-conditioners run non-stop, irrespective of whether its day or night. If any of you are on the lookout of starting a new business, think about selling inverters, they are on high demand.

The situation is worse in the rural areas. They have outages for hours together. By hours together, I mean 10-12 hours.

After a sultry day yesterday, profusely sweating until about 10 pm, I rejoiced on retiring to the comforts of the air-conditioned room, which is when there was a power cut. Obviously I was frustrated. Hoping that it might come up very soon, I lay on bed. In less than 10 minutes I was sweating badly, and there were no signs of the return of power supply. Being very tired, I tried to sleep, but it was so hot that I couldn't.

I went to the balcony and luckily there was some breeze outside(I stopped sweating), and I sat there along with dad, waiting. It was about 11.30 pm then. There is a slum dwelling just opposite the house and I sat watching the happenings there. Visibly, most of the people were sleeping outside their houses. I could see a lot of them not even fully asleep, they were restless, owing to the heat, bugs, bad odour from garbage bins, there could be many more reasons. Lot of kids were cranky and I also saw a lady taking her kid for a walk as he couldn't sleep. And here I was, sitting in the comforts of home and brooding over a power cut, failing to enjoy the breeze even.

I felt ashamed of myself. Even though I have more than what is necessary for basic living, I still think that I will be happy only if I have something else. And this "something else" is always never ending. As I saw the trees swaying in front of me and the breeze hitting my face, I thought I should probably start enjoying the whole thing and make myself happy, rather than cribbing and feeling miserable. And believe me, it felt really good. We played some music and sat there enjoying the night.

It was 12.45 am when the power returned and I went to bed with no hard feelings.

P.S. - I started writing this post this morning and there has been 4 hrs of power cut since then.

Going to school - a nightmare!

I was thinking about how I would prefer educating a kid. Looking back at the way I was schooled(went to a regular full-time school), given an option, I would not recommend educating our kids that way. This is how my schooling was. The school gave a syllabus, the school gave the required books, the school chose what subjects I was supposed to learn, the school chose when I should learn what, and even more. The only thing that I was required to do was to implicitly obey what my school asked me to do. Come on, who likes to be forced into doing something all the time. As a matter of fact, if someone keeps pestering me to do something, even if I like doing it, I might not want to do it, maybe I don't like the pressure, maybe I want to annoy the person who is forcing me into it. No one wants to be forced. Be it kids or adults, if we do what we like doing, the results are amazing.

But forcing was the only thing that my school did to me. I was expected to keep scoring good marks all the time, not only by the school, but also by my dad. I was never given a chance to think for myself, think about what I like, think about what I want, in fact, I was never allowed to think. All that was required of me was mugging up a few subjects and scoring high marks. Before I even knew what I was doing, I was one among the crowd, in the race of scoring marks, because at the end of the day, what knowledge I gained never mattered, only the marks mattered. And, how much ever marks I scored, my dad would never be satisfied. I must admit that I was usually among the top 3 in the class in terms of MARKS. If I scored 92%, instead of appreciating what I have scored, my dad asks, "Why did you leave the rest of it?". So, whatever I did wasn't enough.

Of what use is all the hard work and all the marks and ranks I scored back the then, now? Absolutely useless, as don't remember much of what I studied. Ultimately the knowledge gained out of the 14 years of schooling is very meagre. I was just waiting to get out of school, and once in college, I hardly used to study, as I had an excuse that I worked hard for the past 14 years, and that I was totally burnt. And here I am, still wondering what I best like to do in life.

I really didn't like what I was doing, but I just did it, because I was expected to. All I did when I was in school was go to school, do my homework, study for tests, write exams, score marks. There was hardly any time for anything else, and even if there was, out of frustration, I didn't even feel or think that I might have an interest of my own that I have to pursue.

Worst of all is the competition. When parents choose a school, they check if there is "good competition" in the school. How the heck does that matter? Each kid is different, how is it fair to compare the performances of kids and rate them? If the comparison is in terms of his own past performances, it makes sense. He knows how he has performed, so he can think about ways of improving himself. First of all, the marks scored by kids must be confidential, it must not be made public and they must not be rated in comparison to others. Comparison de-motivates them. Teachers or parents ask the kids, what they think is a very simple and sensible question, but sadly, it is not. "How can that boy, who is of the same age and from the same background as you are, score so much, while you can't?" Yea right! If it is a subject that doesn't interest him, how can he?

The education is not rounded. The focus is only on the curriculum, but kids must know that there is more to life beyond just scoring marks. There is no scope for spiritual growth, physical and mental well-being. There might be a question, if schools are expected to do everything for the kid, why are parents there for? But, the school taxes the kids in such a way, that they don't have time for anything else.

I recently read a post on facebook that said "Our children must be taught how to think, and not what to think!", and I totally buy it. If you force what he has to think, you are just killing his individuality.

Freedom is the key to maximum productivity.

Mega Serials - Hell with them!

I was working on my computer this afternoon in the living room, while the TV was on and there was a Tamil serial going on. Though I wasn't concentrating on what was happening there, a little of it did hit my brain. Nothing else can annoy anyone so much. If the channel is changed during an ad break, the same kind of a different serial is telecast in another channel.

What annoyed me so much about the whole serial concept is that a simple situation is exaggerated to a level that you can never imagine - and that simple situation is usually a family problem or a relationship problem. I would appreciate them, if they were suggesting solutions to these problems, but I don't think that ever happens. All they do is blow up the whole situation, have dialogues that boosts the ego of all the characters involved and not only make it emotional, but also magnify each person's emotions. It's comparatively fine if a lighter moment is exaggerated, but you can never tolerate the way a bad situation is portrayed - everybody crying, complimented by heavy, loud and sad music. Intolerable is the so-called romantic scenes they have - you would literally feel like puking on seeing them. To top it all, rarely an actor acts naturally. They would have a look of surprise or shock throughout.

Since everything is prolonged and dragging, the people who watch it, literally go into it and start identifying themselves with one of the characters, without analyzing if that character's actions are sane or not. And the worst part is, they don't have even a slightest idea that the serials have influenced them so much that all their thoughts, words and actions are connected to one serial or the other.

Movies also influence people, but since they have only a couple of hours to tell you a whole story, things are rarely as intense and you would know the climax in a  couple of hours, and not a couple of years.

I don't even support anyone who argues saying these serials generate huge employment opportunities. The whole serial concept thrives on using the weakness of the people, and any employment opportunity generated hence, is surely not healthy.

You try telling these heavy mega serial watchers to stop watching, all you get in return is one of those serial dialogues.

Please, please, please, stop watching these things. If you are bored, spend your time usefully by sleeping.

Charity begins at home - really???

If this means that without satisfying the wants of the people at your own house/family, there is no point in helping others outside, I wouldn’t really support it.

Whose wants are limited? They are always never-ending.

Consider this situation. I work five days a week, 9 hours a day(plus 3 hours for commuting to work). By the time I’m back home, I’m all exhausted and I have the time only to eat and sleep. Weekends are all that I have to do whatever I feel like doing - from shopping to hanging out with friends, from cooking elaborate meals at home to spending quality time with the family, and its obvious that 2 days per week isn’t enough for all this. So when do I have the time for outside charity, when 2 days per week isn’t enough to satisfy me, my own family and friends?

I can never think beyond my home, if I go with “Charity begins at home”.

There should always be a balance between the time you spend for charity at home, and outside. I would say irrespective of whether you can satisfy the people at home or not, dedicate at-least half a day out of the 2 days for outside charity, thereby balancing both.

So, make sure that charity begins at home, but doesn’t end there!

Learning music

Finally, enrolled in Carnatic music lessons today. I was forced to learn from mom when young. I did learn the basics, but wasn't patient enough to go through each step of proper learning. I used to hear my friends at school sing something, and I would want my mom to teach me the same stuff. As the academic stress increased, I had to give up on learning music, of-course, I wasn't much interested too.

A couple of months ago, I suddenly developed interest in learning music. I thought that since I already knew the basics, I'd straight away learn some songs, so its eay that way.

I had my first class this morning and met my Guru. As I started talking to her, I knew that there was more than music that I had to learn from her.

She wakes up at 4am, does her exercise, after bath, recites slogams and cooks. She also has a very healty diet. She's done with everything by 8.30am, leaves home between 9-10am, and its almost 8pm by the time she returns. She says, music is her passion and stress-buster and hence, despite working throughout the day for several years doing the same work, she has never felt bored or tired. She loves what she does and looks forward to everyday. When I was still wondering how old she might be, she herself said she was 68, after my wrong guess that she was 60. Wow! I can't even imagine being like her when I am that old.

When she can be so active and enthusiastic for her age, I thought how much more active should I be.

She told me, that I'd better learn the basics again, so I can sing anything with ease. She also said, nothing comes easy. If you want to be a good singer, you have to go the hard way.

Well, I did buy her idea.

Self-motivation....

....is exactly what I need right now.

Reading inspirational books/quotes, listening to motivational speeches or a friend's pep-talk do help, but unless I take some time to motivate myself, nothing works, because its me who best knows what I want.

I think, spending some time alone everyday towards self-development is essential. That's when we have to talk to ourselves, watch the unwanted thoughts that crop up and try to kill them. I'm still in the process of understanding what I really like doing, so that I can proceed towards that.

Atleast now I know what I don't like doing. I don't like doing what I was doing for 5 years now. Its not worth it to do something just because it fetches you money. You should look forward to doing it and doing it for a long time should not stress you out. You should not be in a position where you keep checking your watch to see how long it is before you have to leave your work-place. Happiness is the key.

Now is the real challenge of figuring out what to do and how to do it. The first step is to make sure that I'm not distracted at all, which I become very easily. Its good not to heed to others' opinions about you. You cannot please everybody. And, by trying to please someone else, you are only going to feel miserable, because it would amount to you doing certain things that you don't personally like doing.

Its not all about feeling secured in getting a guaranteed salary at the beginning of the month. I have known of some engineers, who after a career in the software industry, chose to quit and work in the media field. It really takes a lot of guts to take a decision like this, when they don't even know if the change of their career path would pay them anything. These guys are real motivators for me.

Writing all this out now helps me understand how very confused I am at this point in time, but I'm gonna hit it and see what happens.

Motivating myself and staying focussed is the need of the hour.

Happy Diwali to you guys!

Chennai today!!!

Landing in Chennai after a year, meeting loved ones at the airport and above all, not having to think about the return date - unexplainable happiness. There is indeed the fear-factor in terms of career, exploring opportunities and wanting to do something useful for yourselves and others, but this is going to be there, irrespective of in which part of the world you are. Infact, in one way it is better to be in India, atleast you have the freedom to do what you want to(not knowing what to do is my own problem), as opposed to some other countries, where you are not allowed to.

After a year in US with just the two of you at home, being with the whole family is heavenly. Their love and affection, sharing of responsibilities, someone cooking for you, etc, is real bliss, of-course all this comes with its own share of misunderstandings, conflicts and more, but yea, what is life, if not for these mixed feelings.

Friends around you, make you feel wanted. Its so damn nice to be back with good old friends and the genuine happiness they show to have you back, makes you think you have taken the right decision of coming back home.

Its been 15 days days in Chennai. and last night before going to bed, I was thinking if I missed the US or the kind of life there - without a second thought, it was a straight NO. Why not? What about the pleasant weather, the less crowded buses and streets, frozen vegetables, juices and ice-creams and all the luxury? Somehow, they don't seem to be a matter of concern at all. Life is more than comfortable with all that is available here. 

Feeling more blessed than ever! Cannot ask for more!

India calling....

I love it when there are changes in life, but when "the time" really comes close, I start thinking about how my past has been and anxious about what the future holds for me. It is one of those times now. Its been a year since I came to the US, and there have been no major changes till then. Well, then its time that something changes - moving back home in a couple of days.

This is the second time I'm getting back to India after spending a year in the US. The US soil has treated me well and I would really miss this place and the family and friends that I would be leaving behind.

Those driving tests at the DMV, the goof-ups while just starting to drive, the not-so-hot weather, the grocery-shopping evenings, those pointless walks down the streets, the peaceful sleep at the library, thinking hard on what to blog about, the yummy Chipotle and Thai food, the bagels, those no-cooking days, the bus-rides, playing indoor ping-pong,ice-hockey and basket ball, the jogs at the park, the evening tennis, the late nights and late mornings, and many more wonderful times would always be cherished. The past year has been a very good break, and its time to get back to work. Here comes an end to all the laziness and lethargy, and am so looking forward to those busy times.

There are going to be a lot of changes and am going to make sure that I blog every bit of them.

India....... Here I come......

Bisibela bath

Bisibela bath(made by my mom) with potato fry - my second favorite dish.

My mom is a specialist in this dish, and all of my friends and family who have tasted hers, say that hers is unbeatable. So, here I am, to prove that I can make it too, as tasty as hers and assure you that its not a big deal.

Those were the days when I thought making bisibela bath was an ordeal, when I got the paste that they sell in stores, which you have to mix with cooked rice, dhal and vegetables. I wasn't quite happy with the taste. Thats when I read some recipes and tried doing it, and came out exactly like what my mom makes, and took the same time it took with the ready-made paste.

This is how I make it....

(Ingredients highlighted in blue)

Rice, toor dhal in the ratio 1:1/2 - Rice and dhal can either be cooked separately or mixed together. I have tried both, and both works. I prefer cooking them together, as the final mixing becomes easier. Cook it in such a way that its neither too flaky(like briyani) nor over-cooked.

Tamarind(lemon sized) - Extract it using water.

Roast and grind the following - In 1tsp of oil, roast 2-3Tbsp corriander seeds, 5-6 red chilis, 1Tbsp channa dhal, 1Tbsp Urad dhal, 1/2tsp fenugreek, cinnamon(1 inch piece), 3-6 cloves and grind these with a little coconut. You can also avoid the coconut if you prefer to, it doesn't hamper the taste.

Small onions(20 approx) - Peel them and fry them in 1tsp of oil till golden brown.

Vegetables - Bell-peppers, beans, double-beans, carrots, peas, potato, cauliflower, zucchini, ash gourd and anything else that you want.

I generally take a pressure pan or pressure cooker bottom depending upon the quantity. Take the tamarind extract, add the ground paste and salt and when it starts boiling, add the cut vegetables in order depending upon the time it takes for each one to cook. For example, I would start with potato, followed by cauliflower, beans, carrot, then bell-pepper, zucchini, peas and onions will come in the end. Cook covered, making sure they are not over-cooked.

Once cooked, add dhal in case you cooked it separately, if not, add the cooked rice-dhal slowly and mix well. Mixing some ghee with the rice enhances the taste, so if you can afford, please do. If you can't, never mind, the dish is still going to taste real good. Garnish with cilantro and cashew-nuts roasted in ghee. Serve with potato fry, raita, papad or chips.

Tips:

1. Make sure the tamarind extract in which you boil the vegetables is not too watery and that the rice isn't over-cooked. I once ended up doing it and it screwed the entire dish.

2. Cinnamon, cloves and small onions are the major taste giving ingredients, the rest of the vegetables you can use whatever is available.

Happy eating :)

Every trip is an adventure!

This is a long pending post, at-least glad that I sat down to write it now. Going to keep it short, sweet and simple :)

We had been to the Wenatchee River to do white-water rafting, a couple of weeks back - a great experience by itself. We had our own apprehensions, both of us being non-swimmers. Luckily enough for us, we finished it all fine without having to fall off the raft.

There were 4 people in our raft(including us) and our guide was Swoony, who instructed us and steered our raft with ease along the rough waters of the river. The river was running lower than usual, which worked out advantageous for us.

Swoony in action

Swoony struck conversations with us every now and then. Someone asked him if he rafts through this river everyday, when he said from May until September he works as a rafting guide for a couple of different companies, working on the same river. He also works at a cafe close-by. When it is off-season here, he goes to Thailand and does the same kind of work there. Of-course, he gets paid comparatively lesser, but he says he likes to go to different places.

He steered the raft as though it was the first time he was doing it. Such was his eagerness and enthusiasm. Every time he did something, he explained to us why he did it and also talked about how the river used to be at different times of the year.

Half way through our journey, we stopped at some place, where they gave us sandwiches and fruits. All the guides of the rafts waited until we were all done, and they ate what was remaining, after which they did the clean-up and we continued rafting again.

I asked him if something(don't remember what), what he replied made me forget what I asked him in the first place. He said,

Every trip is an adventure, every meal is a banquet, every tip is gratitude.

I fell flat. How could he do the same thing over and over again, yet have so much enthusiasm, eat a very simple meal, yet appreciate it so much and not show faces irrespective of whether someone tipped him or not?

For me, it was lesson learnt. I am a person, who gets bored very easily, but I understood that getting-bored is not an excuse anymore. Enthusiasm is the need of the hour. More than what you do, its all about how you do it. After all, all of us ultimately want to be happy and satisfied. Then its better to stop brooding and start loving what each of us do on a daily basis.

Vegetable Biryani

Biryani is my most-favoritest(sorry for my inability to use a better word) dish. You give it to me anytime and I would be more than ready to eat - whether I am hungry or whether its night or day.

Mom used to make yummy biryani. It was a delicacy back then, a dish made rarely and only during the weekends. She made it in large quantities and I would feast on it the whole day. Each time I thought my tummy had a little space, I would munch in a bowl full. Recently, when my cousin visited, she made delicious briyani for lunch, I ate until my stomach couldn't hold even one extra spoon.

At restaurants too, my first choice would be biryani. A lot of people wonder how I would never get bored of eating the same dish, but I choose to eat it. I used to be in night shifts at work sometimes, when there was one cafeteria that would be open at that time of the day, to cater to the food needs of people working at nights. They would most often serve yummy hot biryani at 12am sharp, and I would be there well ahead. The guy who sells the food tokens would give me an ugly look, but who cares, as long as I get biryani. There was yet another cafeteria that served good egg biryani and my last day at work, I made sure I ate it one last time before I quit. I have even had the biryani they sell in streets. As far as biryani in India is concerned, it has never been bad for me.

US has given me some of the worst biryani experiences. There are only a couple of restaurants where they served average biryani, the best of which was in a restaurant called "Woodlands" in Chatsworth near LA. The house in which I stayed was right opposite to the restaurant, I used to frequent there so much, that the people who served there, no more gave me the menu card, they just confirmed if I was ordering biryani. We were once damn hungry during lunch time, and spotted an Indian restaurant, so ordered biryani. All they did was mix a couple of curries they had for their buffet and called it biryani. A few other restaurants also did the same crap to me. Despite this, I still used to order biryani, hoping that atleast one restaurant would make it eatable, but in vain, and I stopped eating biryani outside.

This is when I was desperate and wanted to make it at home. Tried a few recipes, but I found them complicated and not worth the time spent. I bought "Priya" briyani powder, followed the instructions on it, and ended up with a considerably good one. My cousin mailed me "Parampara" biryani paste from New Jersey(now you know how desperate I was) and she gave me instructions of making it. I tried it and it came out very well. So, with the same steps, I tried doing it with the same "Priya" biryani powder, and I'm glad that I got exactly what I wanted.

Its so easy to make(takes exactly 30mins), really tasty and you don't have to worry about an elaborate side-dish - onion raita, chips, applam is more than enough.

Recipe - I owe it to my cousin :)

Tips:

1. Cook basmati rice in such a way that they don't stick to each other. Use minimum amount of water. An electric rice cooker would be ideal. I don't have one, so I cook it in my pressure cooker. I don't put the weight. Once steam comes out, I reduce the flame to medium, cover it with a cup. 15minutes and rice it done exactly the way I want it.

2. Mint is the most important taste giving ingredient. I have prepared it with and without it - trust me, mint does the magic.

Ingredients:

Vegetables, onions, mint, briyani powder, curd, chilli powder, garam masala, oil, ghee, salt

Method:

I start out by cooking the rice first, so that, by the time the rice is ready, I can chop all the vegetables. Take 3 Tbsp of briyani powder, make a paste by mixing the curd with it and keep it aside. Now chop the vegetables. The vegetables I usually use are potato, cauliflower, beans, carrot,bell pepper, peas, broccoli, etc. and mushrooms. In a pan, take 2tsp of oil and one tsp of ghee and once it is hot, fry the mint and onions and then add the vegetables. Then add the briyani paste, a little chilli powder, garam masala powder, salt for the vegetables, mix well and cook covered. Make sure you don't overcook them. Once cooked, add the cooked rice to it, enough salt for the rice and mix well. Serve hot with onion raita.

This is the easiest and the tastiest dish I have ever made. I prefer to use very less oil, which makes the dish look a little dry, but it doesn't matter to me, as the taste it still good and I anyways have it with the raita and above all, its healthy.

I love to have a lot of vegetables in it, so I use more, but its upto you. And as far as the quantities of the briyani, chili and garam masala powders go, when you make it once, you'll know how it tastes, depending upon which you can use them to suit to your tastes. It doesn't make sense for me to tell the exact right amount here as tastes differ.

Happy eating :)

Happy birthday Krishna!

Patram puspam phalam thoyam

yo me bhaktya prayacchati

Tad aham bhakty-upahrtam

asnami prayatatmanah

- Bhagavad Gita 9:26

Meaning - Whosoever offers Me with love a leaf, a flower, a fruit or even water, I appear in person before that selfless devotee of sinless mind, and delightfully partake of that article offered by him with love.

This verse is close to my heart. It teaches us two important qualities - humility and devotion(love). How you offer something is the only thing that matters and not what you offer. You may offer just water, but the pure love with which you offer the same is what counts. You may offer the most expensive thing on the face of the Earth, but if you think its the material value of the offering that counts, thats not true. Irrespective of the material worth of the offering, offer it with all the humility and the love.

Makes total sense. When somebody gives me a gift, I don't really care of how much it costs or what gift it is. The fact that the person was so thoughtful enough, makes me immensely happy. How annoying would it be if someone gives you an exorbitant gift, just for the sake of showing off to his friends what he is capable of?

Anyways, Krishna Jayanthi preparations for me, started keeping this in mind. I made vella seedai and uppu seedai, the 2 important dishes that are usually made a couple of days before and by the look and feel of it, I thought it came out very well. I was even planning to post the recipe, but unfortunately it was not as I had thought it would be. Who cares man? Its the love that matters :)

Last night I took up this task of drawing "ezha kolam", which of-course I am very bad at. But considering that fact that I didn't have a deadline, I searched up on the internet and ended by drawing considerably good kolams. This is the kolam blog that I referred to. I liked it, beacuse it had the method step-by-step. And I would have looked funny to anyone who saw me in action, as I had my laptop in front of me, and was copying from it.

The actual pooja was today and I planned to make "Mysore Pak" this morning and it was the first time I was into making this. And surprisingly it came out very well. It was neither too hard nor too soft. It was in the right consistency and taste.

Recipe in brief:

Ingredients - besan flour - 1 cup, sugar - 2 cups, ghee - 1 cup, Water - 1/2 cup (This was the exact quantities I used, from some website online)

Heated the water in a heavy-bottomed vessel and added all the sugar to it. After the sugar dissolved and reached the string-consistency, added the flour to it little by little, and kept stirring simultaneously, so that there were no lumps were formed. I wasn't able to handle it by myself, so had an assistant, who did the stirring for me. After it was mixed well, added the ghee, mixed it well again, and once it all fully mixed, poured the mixture in a greased plate and sliced it after a couple of minutes.

(Don't have a picture of it after having sliced it, this was taken before. Sorry about that)

In-spite of all these dishes, lots of fruits and a delicious meal, Krishna's all-time-favorite Aval and butter were the most important ones. The pooja went on really well and we offered everything to Him with utmost love and humility.

I take this occasion to thank my wonderful friends who gifted the Krishna idol and the Radhe-Krishna picture for my wedding. This is a treasure for me, guys :)

Let Krishna shower his choicest blessings on us, and let us offer all the love that we have to him :)

What is cooking for me

I don't call myself a person who is very interested in cooking, rather a person who cooks out of necessity, because, necessity is the mother of invention ;)

I started cooking 6 years ago. I learnt a little bit of cooking from my dad when I started, and the rest from cook books, internet and of-course, from a lot of people like aunts, cousins, friends, etc. The most pitiful part is that I never learnt an inch of cooking from mom(who was a great cook), because I never thought I would ever have to cook in all my life. When mom used to say "A woman has to end up having to cook, at some point of time or the other", I strongly refuted saying, I would have a full-time paid cook at home when I get married. Those were the good times :)

Back then, somehow, I was into this routine menu. I restricted myself to cooking dishes that I was familiar with and hardly tried out anything new. It was mostly rice, dhal, vegetable, rasam or sambhar. This was also because we had the best restaurants in Chennai, that if I had a craving for a certain food, its easy to go out and eat, rather than cook at home :)

I still remember the first time I made roti. I asked my aunt over phone and started making the dough. As I started mixing the flour and water, at one point I thought there was more water and added little flour, now I thought there was not enough water, and this happened for a while, until I felt the dough was too sticky and I couldn't handle it. Totally annoyed, I called my aunt in hope of asking her a remedy. She had a hearty laugh, after which she came home from work, made the dough and made the rotis for me as well. What a shame! I didn't even know how to make dosa, leave alone making the batter. This was until 3 years back. But I should admit I did start improving. Last month I made 40 rotis with ease, when I invited people for dinner :)

The past year was glorious for me in terms of cooking. I was bored of cooking the same kind of stuff and coincidently the person who was dependent on my cooking preferred variety. I love eating outside often, but having dined at almost all the places that I liked to, some sort of a boredom crept up, with the same same menu that I found in the restaurants. And my favorite dishes here(in the US), lacked the authentic taste. These are some of the factors that forced me to try new stuff, not because someone was waiting on me, but because, I have a huge craving for good food :)

I used to cook for my dad who had restrictions in oil consumption, and ended up cooking with bare minimum oil. Till date I am in the same habit. Of-course this sure does no compromise in the taste. I have had people call me names because of this.

I am at the top in the list of the "laziest people on the face of this Earth" and my cooking sure reflects this. I won't feel like cooking until I'm hungry and once I'm hungry, I have to finish cooking before my hunger can reach the peak :)

So, for all the lazy bums out there, here I go.... planning to document anything interesting that I cook/have cooked, with all the funny tales associated with the process and of-course the tips that I get/got from a lot people.

Hope I enjoy doing this and you enjoy reading too.

Happy cooking.... no.... errrrr..... Happy eating :))))))))))

A proud Indian

Dear Mother India,

Help us realize how proud we should be, for having born on your soil. Despite having so many children, you have made sure that you have been gracious enough to all of us. You have given us rich values and traditions besides satisfying our basic needs. You have made us feel unique in the midst of the rest of the world, in terms of the diversity of cultures prevailing in the different parts of the country. You have given us the unlimited freedom to do whatever we desire to, which no one else gives. Above all, the warmth, care, love and brotherhood that we get from you, can't be had from anyone else.

Despite taking so much from you, I have a feeling that we are not giving back enough. We live our life like a race and are always concerned only about our wellness. We don't even have the time to offer a word of prayer for you everyday. Yet, you have not stopped giving unto us. Who can ever be so benign?

In the name of religion we fight and hurt others' feelings, failing to understand that all of us are your children and that no religion demands that you hurt others' feelings. Child abuse, slavery, rape, corruption are on the increase, as little do we think that we are hurting our siblings. We have read how much of a toil it was years back to gain the freedom that we have now, but we are using it in the wrong way. Are we shackling ourselves again?

Mother, open our eyes. Help us be considerate and respect others. Let us shower all the love that we have on our fellow human beings, so that we are an example for the future generation.

سارے جہاں سے اچھا ہندوستان ہمارا
ہم بلبلیں ہے اس کی یہ گلستاں ہمارا
(Better than the entire world, is our Hindustan;
we are its nightingales of mirth, and it is our garden abode)

பாருக்குள்ளே நல்ல நாடு
எங்கள் பாரத நாடு - பாரதியார்

-A proud Indian

Staying calm

I was talking to my cousin a couple of days ago and she was telling me about a close friend, Amy(name changed), who was in stage 4 of cancer. Amy has 2 kids, and my cousin says that for all the mischief and misbehavior of the kids, Amy stays as calm as ever. She was amazed as to how any mom would not get annoyed or angry, for which Amy says that cancer cells multiply faster when angry or stressed, so she'd rather stay calm.

This conversation struck me big time. I started searching the internet about the ill-effects of anger and stress and no wonder every search result came up with a unanimous answer - it does take a toll on your body. It can be anything from head-ache, migraines, rapid breathing or chest pain to stroke, heart attack or cancer.

I am no exception. I tend to get triggered easily and have been trying to work on it. Sometimes I deal with it consciously and a lot of times I don't. Talking about dealing with it consciously, I know what/who the cause for my anger is and I talk/shout about it to someone else who can patiently listen. Having vented it out, I become normal. But the best thing that worked for me(though I most often forget about it) is not to be reactive at all. When I know the cause for my anger, if I analyse the whole situation all by myself, thinking in terms of others as well, I do come to a rational understanding. But this involves immense practice. This method is really helpful when the person who you are angry at is right in front of you. The former method of talking it out, most of the times doesn't work, because I'm not sensible when I'm angry and this might end me up in talking something that the other person wouldn't like to hear. Once I calm down and think about what happened, if I realize that I was wrong, I am going to feel really bad for it. So, not immediately reacting is good for us and those around us as well.

The worst thing is when I don't know why I am angry or stressed, and any amount of thinking about it will go in vain. This is when I get easily irritated and show it out on others for no fault of theirs. And once calm, I go behind the people-affected-by-me, apologizing.

I had been to the temple last week when there was a special pooja. After everything was over, I was doing some washing(there were a lot of vessels to be washed and it was already late at night), when the priest's wife told me that she'd take care of it later. I told her that I'd be glad to finish it now, so that she doesn't have that pressure the next morning. She smiled and calmly said that God will somehow make it happen for her and she doesn't worry about it. And I for sure knew she meant what she said. I felt ashamed. Loads of vessels were piled up for washing and they were required the next morning. There were lots of instances when my sink at home had a few dishes to be washed, and I brooded over it badly. Stress and pressure is what we define and how we look at things.

My heart-felt prayers go out to Amy and her family and to every individual in every corner of the world to have an anger-free life.

Let peace be on Earth!!!

Physical fitness - mandatory

I regret being a zero-physically-active person all this while. All I had done was crooned over books or worked on a computer. I did do a little playing-with-friends as a kid, but even that died as academics became taxing and the thought of a physical exercise or playing a game was the last thing that I ever thought of doing. As days progressed, I got used to the routine and laziness took over me.

When I see these people in America, a lot of who seem to be fitness freaks, I envy them. Its a pleasure to see people jog with all the grace. The swimming pools are always bustling with people. The tennis courts, soccer fields, basketball courts, are hardly free. Hiking is something which people do regularly. We had driven to a mountain range one afternoon and driving on those windings almost got us tired until we started spotting bikers on the road, biking their way up the hill. I wonder how long they had been biking.

I think its really important to make some form of a physical activity mandatory for kids, either at school or after, so that it gets into them when they are young.

With the stressed up work and home life that we are experiencing these days, I know there is hardly anytime to go for a walk or play a game. But the fact is that, a physical workout will help a great deal in coping up with stress. Also, indulging in physical activities with the family is one way to spend quality time with the members.

Staying in shape is very much focussed on these days, but the ways undertaken for the same, is sometimes going hungry. Due to lack of time or lethargy, its easier for some of us to go hungry than work-out. This might help you be in shape, but may lead to other health complications. The best way to stay fit is eating right amounts of the right kind of food, combined with regular work-outs.

It is a widely accepted belief that regular physical exercise will reduce the occurrences of heart related ailments and keep diabetes in check, apart from helping staying in shape.

I know, taking time out of the busy daily schedule is going to be difficult, but here are some thoughts(specially for women, as they are the ones who are branded as people who should cook at home). Men(who don't cook or help at home), can't give excuses as they have all the time in the morning before they have to leave for work. For the others, I would say, keep the cooking simple. Not having to spend a lot of time cooking, will save some time required to exercise.

We are used to eating elaborate meals at-least thrice a day. We need idli/dosa/pongal not forgetting sambar/chutney for breakfast, rice for lunch and rice/roti and the like for dinner. With this kind of an eating routine, we end up spending most of the time cooking and a tougher time trying to stay in shape. I would rather go with an elaborate meal once a day and the other meals would be something that I would not have to spend much time to prepare, like cereals, fruits, sandwiches, salads,juices,etc. These are not only easy to make, they are healthy too. Week-ends are always there to splurge upon :)

I have been doing some walking/playing lately. The resulting body pain sometimes(in-fact, lot of times) puts me off, and I tend to skip doing it, but trying hard to make it regular :)

Work-out, stay fit, have a less-stressed, fun-filled life!

Guy or girl - how does it matter?

I'm talking about the duties of children towards their parents. According to Hinduism, the duties of a guy are to take care of his wife/children and his aged parents. The duties of a girl after wedding is to take care of her new family viz. husband, kids and parents-in-law, respect elders in the family and keep the flag of her new family flying high. Accepted.

But, I was wondering if there is a place where the duties of a girl towards her parents is specified. I searched on the internet for instances, couldn't find any. Spoke to a few people and each one of them had varied opinions. One of them says if the parents have a son, it the son and his wife who have to take care of them and the daughter is bound to take care of her in-laws. If a couple has no sons, it is their karma, and they can't/won't expect their daughter to take care of them. An aunt of mine says, if a girl has to manage 2 families at a time, she wouldn't be able to do either of them well. So, her duty is only to her new family and doing them properly is the only duty that she has towards her parents as well, as this the only thing about her that would make them proud. And another person had a totally different opinion on the whole thing. The rules laid down in those old books don't hold good now, as it is a different situation altogether. Girls were not educated much or financially independent back then, so they were under men, unlike now, when the scenario is totally different. Applying centuries old rules to the current situation is absurd. Every individual knows what she wants and has to act accordingly.

Like every guy who feels he has certain duties towards his parents who toiled to bring him up to where he is now, there is nothing wrong for a girl to have the same feeling towards her parents. How do we balance it?

This is how I would like to handle the whole thing. I would assess where my help/presence is needed most and try to do all that I can, be it husband, kids, parents, in-laws, siblings, friends,cousins,etc. The need of so many people around is definitely bound to clash, where I got to use my discretion and do the right thing. I feel it would be comfortable this way, rather then following some rules that you are not happy following and always working with a conflict in mind.

The problem arises when the people around you, each one of them want you to follow different set of rules, or maybe even the same set of rules, not even because they want to, but because the society wants to, and your personal preferences don't match with what they expect out of you.

I do know of a lot of parents who wouldn't feel comfortable to stay at their daughter's place as opposed to staying at their son's place. I feel that people don't prefer to have a girl child, as they think girls are of no use to them in the future, and which is also why female infanticide, female illiteracy are still rampant.

I wish there was a universal rule written somewhere, that would make everyone happy and work conflict-free.

My intention of writing down the conflict that I have, is hoping to find solutions/opinions from people who know/experienced similar conflicts. Any help rendered to me in this regard will be much appreciated :)

Free-will vs Destiny

Had this discussion yesterday and the confusion that I have had for a long time now and thought was complicated and didn't care about, was cleared(at-least I think so).

I was listening to an Upanyasam when this topic came up yet again.

Watch from the 13th minute if you don't have the patience to watch the whole video.

It is said that everything is pre-determined. If something is destined to happen to you, it will happen no matter what. Then where comes free-will in the picture?

Read Ramanuja's commentary of a couple of verses of The Gita. Each action is attributed to 5 causes(all 5 of them)

1. Body 2. Senses 3. Individual soul 4. Force of vital air 5. Supreme soul

This means that the individual self is responsible for the action, but no action can happen without the support or permission of the Supreme Soul.

I wasn't clear until I read this example(from Ramanuja's commentary). Consider 5 people lifting a heavy stone. Only the combined effort of the 5 of them can make the action happen. Even if one of them is not willing, the action doesn't happen.

Apply the above example to every action. Without the agreement of all the 5 causes, an action cannot happen, which implies that we(individual soul) are one-fifth responsible for each action.

If the Individual Soul also has to agree for an action to occur, where comes the question of being pre-determined? What if the Individual Soul doesn't agree for an action, how will it happen even if it was pre-determined? It will, because of the Karma that the Individual Soul is subjected to, and Karma is cumulative. Whatever you do(good or bad), there will be an effect.

If the Individual Soul works on the basis of Karma, then where comes free-will? It does. What action you are subjected to now, is a result of what you did in the past and your future actions depend on your current actions.

This implies that both destiny and free-will exist.

In the above video, Swami says there is no free-will, except in choosing the path that will lead you to God, which means that you have to surrender your free-will to God.

It is wise to use the free-will in a good manner, to reduce the bag of sorrows. Wiser it is, to surrender the free-will also to the Supreme Soul, as we don't really know what is good.

Nama Kirtanam

Had a chance to watch quite a few episodes of the show "Veedu Thedi Varuvaan Vitalan" by Sri. Muralidhar Swamiji aired on Vijay Tv and have no words to describe the experience. The discourses mainly revolved around Lord Pandurangan of Pandaripuram and about the Bhakti of great men who lived there. The way Swami narrates the stories, he almost makes us feel we were witnessing the incident. And for a restless and impatient person that I am, who doesn't willingly listen to spiritual discourses, Swami literally made me wait for the next episode.

There is not one episode where he does talk about "Nama Kirtanam". Nama Kirtanam means "Singing the Holy name of God". It is said that the only thing that can liberate us in this present Kali Yuga is Nama Kirtanam. Swami kept reiterating it, that I got into the habit of chanting Nama Kirtanam every morning and it gives immense sense of security. I get the feeling that whatever is happening to me is given by Him and He is the Only One who knows what is best for me.

I usually have the habit of asking Him what I want and also pray for people who I know, who are in trouble. Somehow these days, the people-in-trouble-list is increasing exponentially and none of us have any control over it. A person might be intelligent, a hard-worker and devote all this time towards his exam preparation, but he might not get the marks he expected. This does not mean the person isn't knowledgeable enough. It only means that none of us have control over what happens.

We keep hearing about terrorist attacks, natural calamities, etc., more often than ever. The serial bomb blasts in Mumbai yet again - is there anything that I can do to stop all this or help the victims? As an individual I think I have a duty towards fellow people, but I really didn't know what it was or of what help I could be. The only thing I could think of was chanting Nama kirtanam for the goodness of the world, which I did today.

I recently read in a book that good and bad exist, to create a balance. I least understand this. Why can't it be only good? What kind of imbalance will there be if we were surrounded by goodness always? Again the definition of "good" differs. What is "good" to me is "bad" to someone else. Is this what the balance is all about? I am confused. Amidst all this chaos, the only thing that gives me solace is Nama Kirtanam.

In Mahabharatha, Yudhistira asked Bhishma(when in death bed) the following questions: "In this universe who is the one Deva of all? Who is the one greatest refuge for all? Who is the one Divinity by praising and by worshipping whom a man attains good? Which according to you is that highest form of Dharma (capable of bestowing salvation and prosperity on man)? What is that by uttering or reciting which any living being can attain freedom from cycle of births and deaths?" Bhishma's answer to the above questions was "Vishnu Sahasranama", which is nothing but the divine names of the Lord, chanting which a person will be liberated.

A lot of other religions also dwell in reciting the Holy names of the Lord.

Whatever you ask in my name, I will do it, that the Father may be glorified in the Son; if you ask anything in my name, I will do it.

Christianity. John 14.13-14

Contemplate solely the Name of God--

Fruitless are all other rituals.

Sikhism. Adi Granth, Suhi, M.1, p. 728

If there be anyone who commits evil deeds... let him utter the name

"Buddha Amitayus" serenely and with voice uninterrupted; let him be continually thinking of Buddha until he has completed ten times the thought, repeating, "Namu Amida Butsu." On the strength of uttering Buddha's name he will, during every repetition, expiate the sins.

Buddhism. Meditation on Buddha Amitayus 3.30

To God belongs 99 names, 100 minus 1, anyone who memorizes them will enter Paradise.

Prophet Muhammad

Hara Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare