Started watching "The Cosby Show" recently and got addicted to it. This was aired on TV sometime during the mid-80s and it's surprising that it is relevant even today. I finished season 1 in less than a week's time and into Season 2 now. There are upto eight seasons(I think) and my entertainment for the next couple of months is assured :)
There is this family which has a husband(Bill Cosby) and wife who are doctor and lawyer respectively, and they have 5 kids(4 daughters and a son). The show for the most part takes place in their household and portrays the day-to-day scenario which we are/were a part of, in such a witty way, that you can't, but ask for more.
The love between the husband and wife after years of marriage and the way they bring up their kids, the values they impart in them and most-importantly, how they do it, is what makes it worth watching.
They don't impose anything on the kids. They give them the CHOICE, and its upto the kids to choose what works best for them. That way, the kids get to think for themselves and analyze, and be responsible for their choice, rather than blaming the parents.
Sending kids out of the house after a certain age - is it healthy? It totally is and I fully endorse it. Sending kids out doesn't mean getting rid of them or not willing to spend for them anymore. It means that it is high time they see the world with their own eyes. How do you think it is possible for a kid who has been under your wings forever, to take his own decisions, to be responsible, to start a family and to have his own kids? Are you going to be growing his kids as well? Is this healthy?
Which of the 2 scenarios is better - Everybody staying together, with conflicting ideals, forced to put up with each other, ego-clashes and end up losing the love and respect for each other or though not staying together, meet up often and making the love and respect grow by the day? I prefer the later.
Distance has always worked for me. I did go out of home after I was done with school, and I was a changed person, which people around me have always pointed out. I think that gave me the strength, courage and confidence that I could take up and deal with things on my own. Moreover, the love for home grew in leaps and bounds and with all this comes a satisfaction that you are the one who are deciding what you want to do. I do have other long-distance-relationship stories that have totally worked out, which I will pen later maybe ;)
"The Space" really lets you be who you are, and not what someone else wants you to be. For all relationships to work and the magic in them to exist, I think giving each other the space they need does the trick. Too much of intrusion only complicates things.
I don’t mean to talk against living in a joint-family. If all is well between the members, if everyone can co-exist without disrupting the peace and aspirations of others and if happiness and love prevails always, then joint family is the way to go. But, if people stay together just because they have to show the society they are living in a joint-family, there is no point.
Now, how I plan in taking my life forward? My parents are used to the joint-family setup and that is what has been passed on to me. So, I prefer staying with them and taking care of them. But, I wouldn’t want to pass this on to my kids. I would give them the choice and the space and be there for them when they need me.
Choice and space make the difference.
Being a parent to older twins who have their own children as well, I see the benefits of living closer to them now. I am able to watch their children when they need me to and I can still have my own space also. I think sometimes that children need help and don't always want to ask for it. When we get older, they can repay the debt by helping us with things that are not so easy the older we get. I think something has been lost in the distance that most families experience now with their children. Maybe separate houses close to each other is a good solution. That is what we have done.
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